I Deconstructed from Word of Faith by Holly D. Sands

 

I remember it vividly. We were at a Bible seminar and at the close of the service, some of the alumni had gathered together to catch up. I inquired about a certain fellow student and was informed that they had “left the faith”. I was shocked and asked what had happened. With one of the saddest expressions I had ever seen, the forlorn alumni responded, “They are going to a Baptist church now.” (Note: At that time, for those who were labeled as “full-gospel,” leaving and attending a denominational church was akin to leaving Christ Himself.) Yet, I remember standing there, stifling a baffled laugh because I could not understand how going to a Baptist church was considered “leaving the faith”. 

    Please understand, I am not one who relishes in calling out people and organizations, nor do I feel qualified to do so.  However, I will call out the doctrine that is erroneous to help people think for themselves and hopefully escape out of the snare that is set for them. As always, by the grace of God, I attempt to present my beliefs within the landscape of scripture and by the brushstroke of simple reasoning.

 

Where it all began.

    When I was born-again, I was attending a non-denominational church. It was a young church, pastored by a former Methodist pastor who, in his words, “was given the left-foot of fellowship when he was filled with the Spirit and spoke in tongues”.  Because of the strictness of his former denomination, he was determined not to have any Statement of Faith or written doctrine. As you can imagine, that opened the door to some of the most bizarre and fleshly activities in the church I have ever seen. As a teenager, I repeatedly went and spoke with the pastor, begging him to address the demonic activity that was happening in our services. He refused. So, my family and I had to make the decision to leave. 

    From there, we attended an Assembly of God church for a couple of years before we were told that we were not allowed to do evangelism because the board did not want the church to grow beyond its present numbers! That didn’t sound too great. Finally, we left and attended a large non-denominational church an hour away from our home. This seemed to be a very good church with much respect to the holiness of God and living a crucified life unto the Lord. I was deeply invested in the life of the church. Eventually, this caught the attention of the pastor who recognized the call of God on my life. He strongly encouraged me to attend the Bible college he attended in a different state and I dutifully followed his advice. 

    During my years in the Bible school, I would find myself frustrated. I would call my pastor up back home and complain how that what I was hearing was either just a teacher’s stories or else it was just blatantly unbiblical. He would just chuckle and encourage me to be patient; that some day it would all make sense. It made sense then – it was just plain wrong. I remember I would be in class and stop taking notes and sit back in my chair; inevitably the person next to me would ask what was up and I would tell them, “What they just said is not even in the Word. It’s not right. I’m not writing that.” 

    I recall when it was the last week before graduation and one of the teachers got up and said, “You will no longer have a covering when you leave this college. You will be on your own. The other teachers and I are going to stand together and make a “fire tunnel”, which you will all now pass through that we may give an impartation to you.” Yes. I’m shaking my head now, as I write this. I shook my head then too. I thought, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?!” I, again, submitted to this with extreme concern and regretted the act, for when we began to walk through the” fire tunnel,” they began screaming at us in “tongues” – and an impartation did come, and by the mercy of God, He answered my cry to get it off. 

    After graduation, I began working for their international ministry. You may be wondering right about now – WHY? All I can tell you is that it was all that I knew. I had been so programmed to believe that regular denominations were missing out on the fullness of the gospel, that I was too scared to leave. However, even though I was in a false ministry, the Lord continued to have His hand on me and stirred my spirit to continually question the things I was hearing that was contrary to what the Bible taught. I was told I was “stirring up strife” or “sowing discord,” as is commonly asserted by Word of Faith leadership toward those who resist or question their teaching.

 

    One of my responsibilities in this ministry was being a tour guide. We would guide crowds of starry-eyed visitors throughout the 110-acre campus, sharing the history, status, and outreaches of the college and ministry. One day, someone had requested me by name. That, in itself, was odd. When I came out to begin the tour, I found that it was one man standing alone. Honestly, it kind of creeped me out, but I proceeded to take him through the same process as I took large crowds. He really wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying; He only starred at me. We got on the golf cart and I took him to the other buildings and went through my well-rehearsed lines. He never spoke one word to me, nor did he seem to pay attention to what I was saying. We loaded back on the cart and when I began to take him to the final building, he suddenly grabbed my wrist, quite firmly, and said, “I have been sent here to tell you to leave this place.” At first, I thought that I had a loon on my hands because we had many strange people visit our campus. I tried to pull my wrist back, but he tightened his grip and said more sternly, “You MUST leave here!” Then he released my wrist and did not say another word. I drove him to the recreation center and took him to the skating rink and told him to wait one minute. He again just starred at me. I went out and asked the receptionist to call security. When I went back to the man, he was gone. No one saw him leave. Security could not find him. Camaras had not shown him – nor I – giving the tour. I fully believe now that it was an angel, sent by God, to tell me to leave that ministry. 

 

The Turning Point

    Years later, I began to experience a crisis of my faith. Everything I had been taught to believe as true was falling to pieces around me. None of my positive confessions were working, none of the formulas I had been taught that would “move the hand of God” were coming to pass and no one seemed serious enough about their faith to give extended study to the scriptures to bring clarification to the many questions I had regarding our beliefs. All the coaching to exercise my “faith muscle” began to sound like, at best – a cop-out for lack of biblical counseling or at worst – a formulated mantra.

 

    I was tired of “pat answers” and hyper-spirituality. I wanted truth at all costs. This led me on a 9-month journey of intense study of the Word and everything that I believed was laid upon the altar. The doctrines I had been taught were not validated by scripture and the ones that seemed to have a scriptural basis were sadly twisted and taken out of context.

    To say I felt violated, at that moment of realization, would be an understatement. It created such a surge of emotions through my being that all I could do, night and day, was cry out to God for truth.

    In His mercy, God providentially led me to those who patiently expounded the scriptures to me. Through their exposition and also by reading and studying proven Christian teachers, mostly of the past, the Lord worked in me. Slowly, and at times painfully, the Lord opened my eyes to the truth about the gospel, man and Himself.

    Coming from a Charismatic background, I was always taught that doctrine was bad and only damped the Spirit of God's ability to move in one's life. Although I was deeply devoted to the Lord, that vein of thinking left me standing on a foundation that was quite unstable. I could not share exactly what I believed, because I didn't really know what I believed. What began as a simple question as to whether God was in reality, sovereign, became a life changing experience and set me on a journey to know Him in His fullness.

    Doctrine indeed became life. The study of God became sweet and precious. How it provoked me to deeper study. How it pressed upon my soul the glories of His majesty! That which caused death in others, brought life to me as the Spirit of God unveiled my understanding and drew me into deeper fellowship with Him.

 

    For reasons God ordained in His perfect will, He allowed me to be subject to such erroneous teachings and keep my soul in a state of discontent, searching for the truth for many years. Now, with new eyes, I can see how much sweeter it is to be cleansed with truth, having been boiled in error and how much stronger the grace given to snatch me out of certain destruction.

 

   Let's call Word of Faith teaching what it is: FALSE, pushed by false teachers — men and women alike. But here's the trick, and it's a good one: they will tell you to read the Word for yourself. They'll even quote you chapter and verse. What they won't tell you is that you've already been handed the lens before you ever open the page — a hermeneutic built to confirm the formula, not test it. You're not reading Scripture. You're reading Scripture through them and that is where you will unknowingly go astray. 

 

    So if you find yourself in a place where questioning is treated as rebellion, where "stirring up strife" is the label they slap on anyone who opens a Bible and asks "does this actually say that" — take it as a warning, not a rebuke. Go back to the text. Test everything against it. That's not leaving the faith. That's finding it.

About the Author

Holly D. Sands has walked with Christ since 1983. She writes at He Is My Song, sharing encouragement and admonition from Scripture with women pursuing Him more deeply. She lives in South Carolina, where she and her husband, Shane Sands, are members of Poplar Springs Baptist Church. Shane's been called by God as an evangelist and leads United in Christ Jesus ministry. At home, they're joined by their idiot cat, Mister Bojangles, whose main contribution to the household is sleeping and eating treats.